Just A Girl Dating A Boy

you come home to find your moms cleaned your room and the make up bag you keep condoms in has been cleaned also….

and is now empty…..

part a of me - omfg mother why did you look and just move on

part b - fuck they where new 

I recently read another blog post by a girl who was dating a transman and who’s brother was also trans and what really stood out for me was the underlying feeling of being “lost” within the whole process. For a long time before my partner could use the word trans to describe how they felt or who they where I knew (from hints or how they where or how I never said my girl or how happy he was when I said he was my man one day) so the shock wasn’t all that big or hard hitting for me but at the same time, it was this huge thing I’d spent time thinking about and going over in my head about and when it finally started to happen it was all like “woah slow down and let me catch a breath here” but I also get scared thinking he’s being some how pushed into it by me because I’m saying “it’s fine go on” but at the same I worry what if he leaves the house one day and some jerk takes offence (he passes pretty well even when he’s not trying) and he doesn’t walk back through the door or it pushes him back into thinking what he should be is infact ” she” based purely on the views of everyone else.
Right now he isn’t out and has decided when or if he chooses to fully transition that he would like to be stealth and that he would much rather start a new life as a man.
It’s also so hard to have feelings of being scared or worried for them because for me I was always scared to upset him because really being transgendered is something you don’t need on top of everything else you have to deal with. You don’t want to express the feelings and scare them even further but it really does suck for them to have to go through it.
For me I don’t care about myself anymore. He’s my man and he’s priority number one most of the time, just like when I need him he’s there and looks after me. I look after him.
And feeling lost or left behind appears now to be a normal reaction and it’s not that your not okay with it just that what you imagined for the relationship now is different. But they will still be there just a little different but really it’s beyond your control and all you can really do is just talk to them.
The mark of a real man is not what’s in his jeans but what’s in his heart, and that should be his partner (amongst other things) and he may know your okay with it but sometimes you do just need to say “hold up. I just need you to sit down with me and for ten minutes explain what you want/are doing/are feeling right now because I feel lost and I know it’s your journey to take but I want to be your rock and hold your hand but as your lady (or man) I just want to know” and for me the first talk about it didn’t go great because we both felt weird and unfortable but now I know I can ask anything and he’ll to the best of his abitilies explain it to me.

its really hard to find a valentines card for your boyfriend who isnt out as a transman to his family.

i dont want to put his birth name but i dont want to put his guy name and out him

thinking about going for “to you, happy valentines, love your lady”

anyone else have this problem?